Social hierarchy is an organic construct, I get that...and our respective positions have to do with a smattering of reasons, both ostentatious (i.e. money, appearance, etc.) and the inconspicuous (i.e charisma, sense of self)...that said, I find people who identify themselves as somehow superior to others- really gross.
And in saying that, I don't feel superior to them, I just don't respect them. I don't have to. I choose who I want to be close to me and the exclusion of others doesn't come from some sort of value judgement on my part...I don't need to feel BETTER than someone to feel good about myself.
And it has been increasingly clear that my roomate has this smug sense of superiority in all things. It seems so misplaced. He interprets my behavior based on his world view-which is to be understood, but it explains the fact he is so overly sensitive...everything anyone says or does has a value attached- and you are either with him or somehow putting him down.
The fact that I took an almost instant disliking to one of his friends was turned into an attack on his judgement. If I don't see her value, then somehow I am invalidating his feelings for her. That by itself is just plain silly and adolescent...then he adds that he will be forced to play nice with people he isn't going to like-and then he names off people he hasn't even met...So who he chooses to be in his inner sanctum is indisputable, but my friends are suspect by virtue of being my friends? Yet, somehow I am the one who has committed an offense. He genuinely feels morally superior...which is fine...but our friendship is over...why would I allow that kind of judgement from a friend?
Those close to us are supposed to be, sounding boards, support systems,insulation against the bad guys. I define bad guys as "fucktards" and mormons (; -that's a joke...well, kinda.
And I don't live my life by some controlled sense of morality or being. I enjoy just seeing where a person or a situation can take me. I have done many things that would be considered deplorable by polite society and most organized religions...and guess what? That doesn't make me a bad person or less of a person...nor does it make me better than anyone else...I do feel that having experienced many people, places and things on various levels allows me to make more informed decisions...but that in no way invalidates the armchair skeptics.
Live and let live...and I don't have a big enough ego to think I should be the great decider of all things...I do what I can to work towards the things that matter and disengage from people and situations that displease me. We are all hypocritical, bigoted, selfish...it is really about the degree. So for anyone to feel superior is odd to me...does it come from a place of insecurity and fragility? You can feel secure about what you don't have in your life by looking down from on high? If you aren't happy, why not get out there and mix it up?
I guess I just don't get it. The goodness in people isn't reflected in talking points and voting records...or saying please and thank you...goodness in people isn't necessarily defined by acts of goodness-the best in behavior can come from the darkest places of self-interest...
And I am really really struggling right now. Moving back here has been difficult on so many levels. Thanks to those of you who have been there through the pity parties! Even though things are uncomfortable right now I feel pretty secure in who my friends are...which is more satisfying than I could ever imagine.
and I might need a hug. so, yeah, I am just saying.
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