The IT Factor

So maybe the real question should be, what is it about you that makes you happy? You, alone. The you that you are when you are in your head- those places no one else can hear or see...

Much of what you put out there is about taking control of other people...The charismatic funny guy, the irresistable asshole, The fix-it guy...people kinda just fall in line and you walk away with the control, whether you want it or not...but the benefit to you in that is you have the power to take it or leave it. Dominance is protection...but for what? Sometimes with you, I feel like I am dealing with a fortress,built around a walled city-that also has a mote of fire around it. But what is on the other side? What's the armor for? Is it to keep you in or to keep the rest of us out. In the last couple years I have seen past some of the fire, but that is all...

You say you to don't talk about things or bring much emotion to table in any of your relationships. But what the fuck? Can you say you are/ever have been truly happy? Cuz that is the big mindfuck catch-22 about this whole life thing...to only way to truly be happy is to risk pain. Do you think that is why you experience life through your cock? You allow yourself pleasure, but not emotion...Pleasure isn't happiness, Daddy...sex is a like a drug and an orgasm is a bump of coke...you can have a fuck all of a good time, but the end it is all fleeting and empty.

And I wonder if you can maintain a truly monogamous relationship. Completely free of swinging and "strange"...You do it for periods of time-but eventually engage in group play or other play. And in the past and even with us to some degree, some of those other relationships have had an emotional component. I wonder what that "other" is exactly, that thing you need...and if you could get it without sticking your dick in someone? Or- that if you isolated what you needed it would hurt too much before it felt better-and hence-you will just kinda repeat the pattern until someone gets pregnant or goes fatal attraction. Then you can blame them for your losses.

I bring this up not because I want to convince you back into my bed-trying to convince you of anything is like throwing a rock into the air and expecting it to take orbit-not only is it impossible-that shit is going to fall back down and probably hurt you. I'd rather be someone in your life that you can trust and that will respect your boundaries,your marriage. Life is way too fucking short to play games.

I just worry about you. You are my friend and I love you and I worry that all the measures you take to protect yourself from harm may end up hurting you in the end-you joke that things with you always end poorly-and I am thinking that is true even with yourself. I don't want to offend you or cross the line. I am sorry that I have in the past...that day I was drunk, I asked the easy question-not the right one. It isn't that simple and DEFINITELY not my place.

alright. I am going to go ride my bike til shit makes sense again.


...yeah

Awe Daddy

Hopefully IT isn't an STD...So you want a laundry list of why you are awesome, huh? I guess I can stroke your ego a little-I have grown quite adept at stroking your bits over the last 2 years...

You laugh. And when you laugh it is genuine. You get that most of life is a bunch of bullshit not to be taken too seriously and you roll with it. You got a part of you that is coyote that needs to get out there and howl at the moon-and I relate to that...and I guess I like that with you I can be the lamb and let you be the coyote...I like it when you prey upon me...it makes me giggle. and cum.

You are sexy. Not because you are Brad Pitt (no offense) but because you are raw and you understand pleasure. You were able to disconnect me from any sense of decency and morality I had about sex and taught me to just feel pleasure. I THOUGHT I had orgasms before...not like the ones I have had with you.Homer will miss you, Daddy...that said I totally respect your decisions and value your friendship more.

Like I have said before, you are a little girl, an alphadog, a nerdy school boy pulling on my pigtails...a raging prick that needs to be kicked in the nuts. I like all the different sides of you, how and when you show them, how they come together or clash. I enjoyed you from a far and then inside me (all up in my guts, if you were). That said, if you take away the sex, you still make me smile. I would be happy just rubbing your big manly sequoia shoulders while you make me laugh like only you can. You are my buddy...(were?)...and you bring the funny. We have playful chemistry. It feels both totally reckless and totally natural. I like that.

and I think I bring something positive to your life as well...I won't judge you, regardless of what you come to me with-I think you need someone who doesn't expect or need anything from you. I know your natural role is to be the one who fixes everything or who is in control. I mean, you are fucking wound tight...but, with me none of that shit matters...my love for you is absolutely unconditional...it is not about how you treat me or what bad or good you do. I genuinely care for you-all the bullshit, all the beauty...you are one fucked up little monkey and I can appreciate just that. I wouldn't have you any other way (: (and I am not saying that I "have" you-I know my place-so chill)

So, was this what you were looking for,Daddy? Did I give you the compliments you were fishing for?

Hate you,Fucker.