pig tales

So I decided to order a buttplug that looks like a pig tail from the infranets because...well...it seemed like a good time...throw in-the pig tail, on-some fuck me heels then get greased up and chased around some Vegas motel room...I AM A VISIONARY! Well, I am TERRIBLE at math, and when I see the dimensions of things-it means nothing to me, like celsius, but with fractions...

Well, my purchase arrives and I am struck dumb in its wake...I was expecting something tiny and cute ( and I use "cute" here in a relative sense)..not so much. It is huge and sort of life-like. It wiggles when you move and the box recommends you wear it with assless chaps and has all these weird puns on it. I just stared at it. Blinking. Clicking my heels in an effort to get back to Kansas or atleast back to a place where I wasn't holding a giant anal toy fashioned after animalia. Then I started, um,squealing with laughter.

Later that night, my roommate came home and I couldn't help myself. I handed it to him. He was silent. He stared it ,blinking...then back at me...he says " for your inner sex-pig" and starts roaring...we laughed forever...

Now I am not saying that it will never be put to use...but my partner in slime better buy me something first...I don't care what, a bag of peanut buttercups will do...but he'd be better off pitching in for a pitcher of margaritas. and some rohypnol.