Will the man who needs wheelchair assistance please remain seated

Will the man who needs wheelchair assistance please remain seated

Today was a comedy of errors...On the first leg of my trip, I met Cocksucker. He was a sawed-off redneck idiot, who, was just smart enough to know he was a moron, and turned that moron outwards to the masses, instead of looking inward for a minute and maybe even reading a book or something. He had a chip on his shoulder bigger than his shoulder and kept snapping at people without any real reason.

It was mostly benign until he mouthed off to this nice little lady...at that point, he made my short list and I waited for his next move, I was going to take him down. See, I have pent-up waitress rage, from years of dealing with people like that douchebag and I could spend years of therapy, calmly and productively working through those feelings-or I can just meet that guy off the clock and use my words.

I tend to lean towards the latter.

But the rest of the flight went off without a hitch. Admittedly, I was a little disappointed.
Oh, but then, because either God loves me or Jesus hates me, Cocksucker was on my connecting flight AND a two hour layover became a 4 hour layover. Cocksucker became Cocksucker raised to the power of Asshole. It was too delicious even for me to imagine where this was going.

At a certain point, I just said, in front of everyone

" It is two hours,two hours in a lifetime is NOTHING, and if the plane falls out
of the sky-it means even less"

Cocksucker just walked off mumbling stupid to himself.

One of the ticket attendants thanked me and then I pulled the other into a pow-wow. I asked her if there was a problem passenger, couldn't she just call security and have them bounced?

She smiled and said

"Do you have a problem or concern about a passenger?"

I returned her smile and replied

"Do I need to?"

We laughed and so it was done.

There were knowing glances and raised fists in glory as security took him away.

The rest of the trip was weird as well...Buddahist monks with cellphones, people speaking Flemish, a creepy guy that sat across from me leering at women long enough that I could tell his type. He liked skinny brunettes..other than that he barely passed his eyes over them...I heard a guy tell his friend his new girlfriend is so hot and so model perfect he keeps waiting for her to tell him that she is a man...uh? Okay.

And as I was leaving the plane, the server in the sky said over the PA
"Will the man waiting for wheelchair assistance please remain seated"

I just laughed. Maybe too loud. Getting hard looks from the man next to me.
But that line was just too perfect, summed it all up.