breakdown in communication

...I am really not sure how to say what I am about to say or what I want to say because...well...you are you- which makes most things difficult (;...and it is a delicate subject as well as a new one for me...okay..here we go...

Sometimes I feel like you forget how we know each other. Sometimes I think you forget about conversations that we have had...Sometimes I feel like the things you tell me are more about you making something true versus it really been the whole truth...like if you speak the words, go through the motions of speaking...the words are magically etched into the brain and feel true...or maybe your truth depends on how hard your dick is...

It is really hard for me when you talk about how Wifey is everything you need. Not because I want to be that for you, but because if that were true I wouldn't be in your life. I think she is everything you want in a wife or what you believe you want...but you need more than her in your life. The cheating? The swinging? I think you make it all about sex, but it is a general sense of passion that you are lacking...And there is nothing wrong than needing more than one person to complete you, I think it is normal...that is why so many relationships end...people have affairs, they grow bored..but when you talk about your perfect relationship with someone who you have had an ongoing sexual relationship it seems in poor taste and kind of silly. I am sure you are content on the whole. I just wish you would recognize that not all your needs are being met...not to me, but to yourself...it is okay...what did you say in Vegas? That you don't lie to yourself more than anybody else? And you act like a tough guy, but you are pretty soft in the middle.Don't counter with the sexual part of our relationship is over. It may be, but that still doesn't change the past.

You question the validity of my relationships because I take solo vacations...or for you to define in any way what is a valid relationship is insulting. You said you have never been faithful to any woman. Even if you never have another solo romp with anyone-you still swing. You have never been completely alone with Wifey...have you? You either cheated or played together. Most people don't have that. Until the drugs came into play in a major way, my relationship with Mr.Gita was very traditional. Actually all of my serious relationships have been very traditional...it hurts my feelings that you don't think a man would want me for anything but sex...I guess haven't shown you much more...

and yeah, the reason I don't illicit the damsel in distress is because I don't put my heart out there. I have a handful of people I truly care about...and unfortunately they are all over the place...I talk too much and am pretty raw...but I am pretty guarded emotionally...all that lioness is to protect the kitten...and it scares me that I may never find a partner in life...at the same time, I don't want to settle...or let the fear of being alone determine my future relationships...I don't want to play games...I value honesty...You have been my biggest risk, on every level...I am really not sure how you slipped past the guards...the exception to every rule.

You probably won't speak to me after reading this. I don't know.